I don’t know how to tell people I’m not okay because in my head it’s entirely my own responsibility to take care of my mental health. Others have their own issues. And I don’t want others to have to use their personal time and energy trying to make me feel better. I know that’s what friends and support systems are for. But I feel so bad burdening others.
I need my insurance to stop being a dick. I need them to give me my entyvio so I can get out of this flare and get off this high dose of prednisone that is slowly driving me to madness and not in a hyperbolic way. As in I have had to make a pact to not unalive myself for the sake of those around me despite the fact that existence is very spicy and I’m very tired of it all.
I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of being an emotional mess because all these things are outside of my control. There is no solution or end in sight. Some days it’s easier to exist, but its never just easy.
But I guess maybe life isn’t easy for anyone. We all have something we’d rather not experience but can’t control. I wish I knew what the difference is between someone who can handle it and someone who can’t besides the outcome.
The universe is a mystery to me in that aspect. I’m still here. I don’t know how. I know I’ll be okay and that ultimately none of my worries matter in the grand scheme of things because I know how the story ends no matter what choice I make. At least I’m comfortable enough with death and mortality to be chill with that.
These are just void thoughts. Thoughts I need to get off my chest that *someone* might see and understand silently. Cause there’s something comforting about the idea that even one little stranger might see the thoughts and be like “Ah yes same.” While also not having to state aloud.
Cause I could just write these on paper and burn them. But that doesn’t bring the same sense of peace that voiding thoughts on an obscure platform that most people don’t know me on.
Prednisone makes me hate my body so much more. And I don’t know how to feel better about it.
wishing people would understand (and advertisers would stop giving the impression) that herbal remedies don't actually work like fantasy potions where you have a Symptom and they magically target that Symptom specifically-- they work exactly like pharmaceutical medicines but at a less concentrated scale, and it can interact poorly with them if you are already using them.
ashwagandha doesn't "lower your anxiety", it reduces your cortisol levels, which can in turn lower your blood pressure and interact with other adrenal and BP meds. ginkgo doesn't "help you think", it dilates your blood vessels and is an anti-platelet, which increases cerebral bloodflow but can interact with other circulatory meds. grapefruit seed extract is an incredible antifungal but it will inhibit enzymes that break down many types of medication and lead to blood toxicity of those meds.
i've worked in this industry since before insta/tiktok was a major force in advertising for it and i've watched the swing from people generally being educated about this niche thing they have come in to buy to "i saw on tiktok that this will give me energy"
.... will it? have you had bloodwork done? are you adequately absorbing your nutrition? are you getting sunlight? stop being scammed by symptom-centric buzzwords. anything that promises it will give you energy or help you focus or whatever else hinges entirely on your body chemistry fitting very certain criteria and a lot of people end up disappointed when that cordyceps did nothing for them when it turns out they're low on stomach acid and not synthesizing their B vitamins correctly or something else that is way above my paygrade to determine.
the american healthcare system is a shitshow and people often have no choice but to take their treatments into their own hand, but "natural remedies" want your money just as bad as "big pharma" and it's up to the individual to do their epistemological due diligence when treating themselves. godbless.
SERIOUSLY. As someone who works in biomed i always get asked by people who are 'organic' and 'natural remedies' people things like 'WELL WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PLANTS THAT CURE CANCER AND STUFF?!'
My mans. Yes. There are plants that probably have anti oxidant effects and therefore help against cancer. Yes things like aspirin came from tree bark. Plants are very valuable and a good source for figuring out new medicines.
All big pharma does (at least the scientists behind it not the accountants) is take those same chemicals made in plants, and learn to make them without the plants themselves. Sure sometimes they make up shit, but a lot of science is based in things that already exist.
I literally worked in a lab where one of the therapies they were testing was based on Chinese medicine (as in the herbal kind). And it was for gene therapy. They just took the plant gene and put it in a virus to program the liver cells to produce the plant protein to fight liver cancer. AND IT WORKED.
Science doesn't have to mean anti herbal remedies and herbal remedies don't have to mean anti science. A lot of benefits would come if both just shut up and kissed already.
Praying to Asklepios that your doctors, nurses, specialists, etc. listen to you and take your concerns seriously, and that you’re able to get the help you need, and whatever answers you’re looking for.
hlblng